… A failure to communicate.

Trying to get a concept across to someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you, well or not at all, is a frustrating situation. We’ve all been in the situations. Even if you are both native language speakers, when someone hears you, but doesn’t understand you, you’ll start pulling hair and grinding teeth quickly. Add to the frustration someone just yelling at you with all of their being, trying to communicate to you.

How much more so with a baby. Unlike Gunny Hartman, babies don’t make much noise; let alone talk or hurl abusive comments at you with the volume and creativity that comedians normally reserve for hecklers. So when something is wrong, frustration mounts quickly. Heaping a good serving of sleep deprivation, time of night and / or screaming into that recipe makes for an especially frustrating situation.

My wife is a trooper, she has proven herself time and again, but it’s taking a toll. When I came home and she wants nothing more to sleep and is holding our little girl, who is crying like a banshee, I could see it in her. So drop my stuff, take the kid and send her off to bed. Now I have a little mental checklist I use when dealing with crying children. Babies don’t want to shriek and keep you up; they’re pretty calm and just want to chill out. I’m holding Aeryn and she is red, nearly purple, with frustration. Out comes the list.

Diaper
Food
Comfort

Whatever the problem, it's related to one of these three things.

Aeryn has been sporting a nasty diaper rash, so anything that didn’t come in a Pampers box or a soothing salve would really annoy her. But she was clean. She didn’t seem interested in food. I played music. She wasn’t too hot or cold. Normally by now, whatever is bothering her is dealt with. So I’m holding this screaming child and she can’t tell me what’s wrong. Frustration is quick to set in, you want to by sympathetic to the child, but it's hard when they aren't perceived as helping. I took a moment and pushed the annoyance to the side and started thinking about the variables. It has to be the rash. So I don’t check the diaper, I strip her down. The diaper is a tiny bit wet, not leaving it to chance; I change her and double up on the Salve. She isn’t screaming. I re-dress her, she starts crying again. I try food and the soother, still a little face filled with rage. It has to be a comfort issue.

At this time the wife wants to feed her once more before we try to put her down for the night again. I hand Aeryn off and I say to myself: it has to be the clothes. And sure enough, as I was getting something to change her into, my wife noticed a red spot on Aeryn’s back where a clothing tag had started to rub her the wrong way. We changed the outfit and she was back to calm and cute.

Frustration is quick to set on you and hard to shake once it’s there. It’s easy to see, how given the right situation, parents snap at their kids or make fatal mistakes. But there is a reason for the situation. Stick through it and examine the variables.  And above else, get help if you need it. A ten minuet nap could make all the difference.