It’s horribley unfair, but it is a requirement of the job. When my little girl comes of age (COUGH… 32 ….COUGH) and starts to ask about boys and relationships, I have some words of wisdom. Dying to self is required in love and relationships, and even more so when you are a parent.
If you want to be on your own schedule, master to none but yourself, then don’t get married, don’t have kids. It’s that simple. But when you realize that doing your thing in your time really doesn’t fill the void and you decide you want to see more in life, you have to do it the right way. Here comes the hard part, there is no one person out there who is perfect just for you and remember that you didn’t exactly lose a glass slipper either. Disney has been lying to you your whole life. At the same time remember though, the media has been lying to your husband his whole life too. There is no such thing as a soul mate. You wonder why “Hollywood” marriages don’t last? I’d bet it’s because each person in the relationship expects the other to bend to their will and tend to their whim. That’s not a marriage. If you want a butler, hire a butler; in the long run it’s probably going to be cheaper than a divorce.
There is no one person, But if you want a relationship that will last you until your last days (or theirs) you both have to be willing to go the extra mile for each other. Of course you have to have a solid foundation on faith, hope, love and some commonality, but you have to die to yourself for your partner. You’re not just one flesh in the bedroom, as a married couple, you are a new entity. You may still be two individuals, but you are so much more than the sum of your parts now.
Mark 8:34-35 (NIV) Then He called the crowd to Him along with His disciples and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."
Just as we have to die to our flesh and sin to follow God, we have to die to our selfishness to make a marriage work.
Marriage is the only time I will ever let the word “Compromise” be used in my house. I despise that word. That gets me branded as a great number of negative things, but I really don’t care. Committing to my wife signals to her that she is the only person on this Earth that I have to take into account when I make a decision. I have dragged my wife to many things that she has actually taken a liking to, but I know that she would indulge me even if she didn’t enjoy herself as much. I have to be willing to go out of my way to ensure I’m doing what I can to help her and ensure that she can indulge in her interests and to participate in them as well. This is amplified so much more when you throw a baby into your relationship.
If you’re a “feminist”, you probably are going be very familiar with the next passage, but I never hear you mention the one that follows right after it:
Ephesians 5:22-33 (NIV)
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
When my daughter comes to me and asks about boys and marriage, this is her answer. Not to blindly submit, no, never to be domesticated slave. Nothing in verse’ 22-24 says to blindly obey. I see it as when a decision is reached (one that you should be involved in) then you back up your husband. Everything I want for her is to be a very strong woman, stronger than most boys that pass themselves off as “men” these days. No, I want her to find someone worth submitting to, just as I sought out a woman to be my wife who was/is worth dying for. What verses 25-33 mean to me is that I will be held to account for my family. I have the responsibility not only to provide for them physically (food, shelter, education…) but also spiritually. I firmly believe that not only will I give an account for my faith, but I will answer to the Lord as to the faith of my family, their well being on this earth. That is a huge responsibility. HUGE. And one that is far more demanding than being able to trust in the decisions of my partner.
Christ taught, equipped and fed the church, He ultimately died for all of us. That is what a husband needs to be doing. Dying to himself and his nature and to teach, equip feed and be ready to die for his family. That’s the type of man every woman should be looking for.
If you are in a relationship or are considering getting married, I HIGHLY recommend you take the time and check out this sermon by pastor Jon Courson
So I have to die to any laziness, apathy or selfishness that I have, I have to be more for my wife and daughter. Yeah, I’m tired but so is my wife, and I didn’t push the kid out.
I'm just a sheepdog. I don't have the answers, but I answer to the One who does.
Amen Jay. Amen. was just journalling about this last night.
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