Liar

Things have been rough lately. Teething and colds and sleepless nights filled with the high pitched shrieking of a baby girl who can’t be consoled. Ah, parenthood. I’m blessed to have an amazing partner and wife to help tackle this with, I have all the compassion in the world for people who have to tackle this on their own and don’t screw up their kids.

Over the years, I have implored women who are not yet married to listen to or watch the music video for a song titled “Liar” by Henry Rollins. It’s presented below in all its 1990’s-lisious-ness for your viewing pleasure, but we’ll get to it in a minute. Being a sheepdog isn’t just about having the right gear to be able to render first aid, survive prolonged power outages or being able to defend one’s self from harm. A large part of it is to look after the emotional and spiritual well being of those in your care. Wife, children, other family and friends etc… The unfortunate truth of the matter is that women can make easy targets, not only for theft or physical harm but also emotional harm as well. There are too many stories (both in the news or personally related to me) of women who are manipulated into situations that do not end well for them. This is something that I have to prepare my daughter, and possible future daughters for.

Why do I tell women to listen to the song? It’s not for its enjoyment during a relaxing evening. I suggest it because Henry hates the same weakness in men that I do. It takes more strength to be a stand up guy than it is to be a scum bag

The Video in question

Oh, the 90’s. So let’s break down the lyrics to find the golden truth of the matter, buried under bad superman costumes and red body paint, to what I want to impart to my wee one.

“you think you're gonna to live your life alone in darkness and seclusion. yeah I know. you've been out there, tried to mix with those animals and it just left you full of humiliated confusion. so you stagger back home and wait for nothing but the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out onto the street and now you're desperate and in need of human contact.”

The “dating scene” sucks, the prospect of walking through life alone sucks more. The more time you spend alone, the more you worry about it and are ready to grab any lifeline someone throws at you. You’re loneliness is going to play mind games with you and cover up your flaws and the flaws of those you meet.

“and then you meet me and you whole world changes because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear. so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears and you trust me completely. I'm perfect in every way cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside you feel so lucky but your ego obscures reality and you never bother to wonder why things are going so well.”

We can’t help but love it when people pay attention to us. Eye contact and a nice smile have caused more harm than we may ever know. A little attention goes a long way. But that’s how the wolves operate these days. Gone is the massive, aggressive conquering army at our gates, and now comes the manipulators conmen who erode us from within. Erode us to a point that when the real problems come, we either don’t see the danger or are too weak to deal with it. Our own need for companionship can work in much the same way. Our need to be wanted, loved, blinds us to what we need to be looking for. Someone who walks in our same faith. Putting our Lord first, sharing our values and beliefs. I’ll freely admit that I have perused the wrong people in the past because I thought I knew better about what I needed. These are lessons learned about the difference between want and need and I am eternally grateful to God that my plans NEVER work out and His path for me is so much more then my pitiful machinations. Vigilence is needed always. How many women are in very dire situations because they got in deep with someone who now owns them? Either their body or soul or both. The guy never starts out hitting you or tearing you down. They work up to it, get you dependant, breaking you down so you think you can’t survive without them. Why would anyone else want you? These wolf (expletive deleted) use your own self doubts against you so you don’t mind a black eye now and again, why? Because you made that mistake, and he’d really a nice guy who would normally never do this, he just had a little too much.

“you wanna know why? cause I'm a liar, yeah I'm a liar. I'll tear your mind out, I'll burn your soul. I'll turn you into me, I'll turn you into me, cause I'm a liar”

When you start justifying his abuse, he does turn you into a liar. He brings you down and kills you inside

“I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes. and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say I really identify with you, so much. and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you. don't you get it yet? I'll come to you like an affliction and I'll leave you like an addiction you'll never forget me you wanna know why? cause I'm a liar”

I could go on about things looking to good to be true and gift horses mouths but the fact remains that due diligence is needed. One of my most used quotes was spoken by former US President Ronald Regan as he spoke about the Soviet Union “Trust, but verify”. Very wise words.  That guy your seeing who keeps looking at women when he thinks you’re not looking? He probably didn’t go to school with them like he says he did. They’ll be quick with kind words, excuses and justifications. Use cheap tricks like a “medium” to convince you that you share values and morals. There is nothing wrong with fact checking. It’s better and easier to get through the pain of a break up then it is with the years of an abusive relationship. In Canada, stats say that it takes the average woman seven (SEVEN) attempts to break up with an abusive partner successfully. If things aren’t adding up early, get out. Their actions should ALWAYS speak louder than their soothing words.

“I don't know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain. maybe it's something inside maybe it's something I can't explain cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you. I'm a liar”

This is the easy part. These people (I’ll include women in this, men don’t carry all the blame for disastrous relationships) are not right with God. Living healthy plants bare good fruit, dead ones don’t. It’s a pretty simple test. You HAVE to beware of wolves masquerading as sheep in the church, there are no shortage of them.

“if you'll give me one more chance, I swear that I will never lie to you again, because now I see the destructive power of a lie. they're stronger than truth. I can't believe I ever hurt you, I swear. I will never to you lie again, please, just give me one more chance. I will never lie to you again. I swear that I will never tell a lie. I will never tell a lie no, no. ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa sucker! sucker! oh, sucker I am a liar yeah, I am a liar yeah I like it I feel good ohh I am a lia.r I lie yeah, I like it. I feel good. I'll lie again and again I'll lie again and again and I'll keep lying I promise”

Here’s the part I still struggle with. Forgiving and forgetting. It’s very hard because you (well, at least I) can never be 100% sure of the sincerity of their repentance. As it stands right now, I’m a believer that twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern. As always, try to learn to be anxious about nothing and pray about everything.

Oh

And Trust but verify

Just a Sheepdog