Who knows? We shall see...

Having just posted a short entry, the words start to come it seems.

An acquaintance of mine has 3 children. The oldest of which has been making, shall we say, “poor life choices” lately. His actions contradict what he says he wants his life goals to be. Very recently this young man was attacked and hospitalized while at a party in the wee hours of the morning.  

And as one does I reflect on how I would be in this man’s shoes with a kid who was making stupid choices and now hospitalized. I have two words of wisdom, one from my father-in-law and one from my dad. The advice from the former being “Nothing good happens out of bed after midnight”, the later being “we choose the price we pay”. I am very thankful to God that this young man has not lost his life do to his choices and I have prayed that he will learn something from them. While I don’t know the exact circumstances of what happened, this young man choose to be at a party he probably shouldn’t have been at and his actions most likely contributed to his injuries, I don’t believe he was rolled for his wallet during a party.

While I never wish harm on anyone (that isn’t a child predator or abuser of women) and have no wish to commit violent acts myself, I do miss the time when two guys had a “disagreement” over something they could take it outside and deal with it and not have to worry about the other guys “boys” jumping him from behind or having the disagreement escalate to edged weapons or being shot.

I remember my own school days when a new kid came into our class after being expelled from another school and started picking on me. To my credit (and the credit of a proper upbringing) I didn’t engage him in his behavior. “Mike” wouldn’t let it go and made it his mission to illicit some type of response I guess, he only really knows why he was doing it. One rainy lunch period in our unsupervised classroom, he finally got a response from me and I threw him across half the class into a wall. Before I knew what I was doing I was upon him, with the scruff of his collar in my left hand and an immediate response to further hostility in my right. I told him that whatever problem we had between us was finished and I resumed my drawing (as I did more of that then actual school work). We were then the best of friends for the rest of the school year. This is how guys deal with things, or at least, how we used to deal with things before we gave our personal responsibility and liberty over to our protectionist culture.

So I sit wondering how to tell my acquaintance that I am praying for him and his family, and I can’t write the words “I’m glad he’s ok”. Another story from my dad comes into my mind, it’s an old Chinese parable that I’m going to leave you with, I then hope you know why I just let him know that all I could write to him was “I’m praying for you and your family”

A farmer’s horse runs away, and while he is out looking for his horse the farmer comes across his neighbor and says “it’s too bad that your horse ran away”. The farmer replies “who knows? We shall see”. The next day the horse shows back up and the neighbor says to the farmer “that’s great! Your horse came back” and the farmer replies “Who knows? We shall see.” The next day the farmer’s son is riding the same horse and gets thrown from it, breaking his arm. Once the boy is attended to and resting, the neighbor says to the farmer, “that’s too bad about your boy” and the farmer responds “Who knows? We shall see.” Later that week the province that the farmer is living in goes to war against the next province over and the farmer’s son cannot serve in the military because his arm is broken. The neighbor comes over and says to the farmer “That’s great news that your son doesn’t have to go fight!” and the farmer replies “Who knows? We shall see.”

Only God knows the end game and he uses us in ways that we often don’t foresee and will probably never know in what way we influence those around us. Good can be used for bad and bad can be used for good.

But who knows? Not me, I’m just a humble sheepdog trying to protect what members of the flock that I can. 

grab bag of thougts

Between work and being a husband and father and home owner, much has been on my mind as of late, with little time to commit it to "paper". I have a few things I want to write about, but not able to focus on one topic. So I’m going to take a shotgun approach to tonight’s post and just hit bullet points on some topics I’ve been rolling around in my mind and will probably expand on later.

What’s the line between providing for my wife and kid and spoiling / ruining them?

·        I am raising an adult, not a child. She’ll be an adult a lot longer than being my baby girl (Lord willing)

·        My own sin has made me fat and lazy over the last number of years. I'm starting to  overcome it now, how do i stop her from making my same mistakes?

·        How do I teach her how to be responsible for her own happiness and not dependant on stuff?

·        How do I teach her how to use anger properly? Christ used it without being rash to clear the temple…

·        Feminism and the modern woman vs scripture and the benefits of the traditional family, all that vs. today’s disaster that are families and the education system.

So, if any of that looks interesting to you or have points of your own, let me know. Her smiles and laughter can snap me out of the deepest funks, and I feel the weight of my responsibility to not screw her up. On her wedding day, my wife and I want to look her husband in the eye, shake his hand and say “You’re welcome” and walk away. But know this sweetie, one call and your room is always ready.

Love your “Sheepdog” dad.

small revelations

Being a parent changes you. You don’t expect what those changes are though.  There is no joy on this earth that can compare with holding your smiling baby.  And that’s just what I was doing last week when I had a revelation. This is how God sees us. I’m looking down at the Wee Baby Aeryn and I see how God sees me. I hold her when she’s happy and just bask in her innocence. I hold her when she’s upset and try to comfort her. She doesn't understand what I’m doing to help her, she flails and squirms and cries trying to get away. I can’t explain simple things to her like how to blow her nose, so I help her as best I can while she fights me to try and take away her discomfort.  She will look at me with huge tear filled eyes asking “Why are you doing this to me?” and she doesn’t understand my response. How will her “difficult” years be on me? Will she see me trying to ruin her life or will she understand what I am trying to instill in her to spare her pain and misery later?

How much more is that with God? He tries to explain to us why His way is better than ours and all we do is kick and flail and pout and cry trying to live our lives with a ton of crap on our faces, rejecting his helping, cleansing hand. He doesn’t want us to live restricted lives; God wants us to flee inequity to simplify us, so that we have a life worth living. 

I could hold my baby all day long. How much more I now look forward to heaven, to be in His presence and just enjoy our Father as I imagine Aeryn enjoys just being held be me. Love is amazing and I firmly believe we don’t know even the half of what it actually is.  

Liar

Things have been rough lately. Teething and colds and sleepless nights filled with the high pitched shrieking of a baby girl who can’t be consoled. Ah, parenthood. I’m blessed to have an amazing partner and wife to help tackle this with, I have all the compassion in the world for people who have to tackle this on their own and don’t screw up their kids.

Over the years, I have implored women who are not yet married to listen to or watch the music video for a song titled “Liar” by Henry Rollins. It’s presented below in all its 1990’s-lisious-ness for your viewing pleasure, but we’ll get to it in a minute. Being a sheepdog isn’t just about having the right gear to be able to render first aid, survive prolonged power outages or being able to defend one’s self from harm. A large part of it is to look after the emotional and spiritual well being of those in your care. Wife, children, other family and friends etc… The unfortunate truth of the matter is that women can make easy targets, not only for theft or physical harm but also emotional harm as well. There are too many stories (both in the news or personally related to me) of women who are manipulated into situations that do not end well for them. This is something that I have to prepare my daughter, and possible future daughters for.

Why do I tell women to listen to the song? It’s not for its enjoyment during a relaxing evening. I suggest it because Henry hates the same weakness in men that I do. It takes more strength to be a stand up guy than it is to be a scum bag

The Video in question

Oh, the 90’s. So let’s break down the lyrics to find the golden truth of the matter, buried under bad superman costumes and red body paint, to what I want to impart to my wee one.

“you think you're gonna to live your life alone in darkness and seclusion. yeah I know. you've been out there, tried to mix with those animals and it just left you full of humiliated confusion. so you stagger back home and wait for nothing but the solitary refinement of your room spits you back out onto the street and now you're desperate and in need of human contact.”

The “dating scene” sucks, the prospect of walking through life alone sucks more. The more time you spend alone, the more you worry about it and are ready to grab any lifeline someone throws at you. You’re loneliness is going to play mind games with you and cover up your flaws and the flaws of those you meet.

“and then you meet me and you whole world changes because everything I say is everything you've ever wanted to hear. so you drop all your defenses and you drop all your fears and you trust me completely. I'm perfect in every way cause I make you feel so strong and so powerful inside you feel so lucky but your ego obscures reality and you never bother to wonder why things are going so well.”

We can’t help but love it when people pay attention to us. Eye contact and a nice smile have caused more harm than we may ever know. A little attention goes a long way. But that’s how the wolves operate these days. Gone is the massive, aggressive conquering army at our gates, and now comes the manipulators conmen who erode us from within. Erode us to a point that when the real problems come, we either don’t see the danger or are too weak to deal with it. Our own need for companionship can work in much the same way. Our need to be wanted, loved, blinds us to what we need to be looking for. Someone who walks in our same faith. Putting our Lord first, sharing our values and beliefs. I’ll freely admit that I have perused the wrong people in the past because I thought I knew better about what I needed. These are lessons learned about the difference between want and need and I am eternally grateful to God that my plans NEVER work out and His path for me is so much more then my pitiful machinations. Vigilence is needed always. How many women are in very dire situations because they got in deep with someone who now owns them? Either their body or soul or both. The guy never starts out hitting you or tearing you down. They work up to it, get you dependant, breaking you down so you think you can’t survive without them. Why would anyone else want you? These wolf (expletive deleted) use your own self doubts against you so you don’t mind a black eye now and again, why? Because you made that mistake, and he’d really a nice guy who would normally never do this, he just had a little too much.

“you wanna know why? cause I'm a liar, yeah I'm a liar. I'll tear your mind out, I'll burn your soul. I'll turn you into me, I'll turn you into me, cause I'm a liar”

When you start justifying his abuse, he does turn you into a liar. He brings you down and kills you inside

“I'll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes. and I'll tell you things that you already know so you can say I really identify with you, so much. and all the time that you're needing me is just the time that I'm bleeding you. don't you get it yet? I'll come to you like an affliction and I'll leave you like an addiction you'll never forget me you wanna know why? cause I'm a liar”

I could go on about things looking to good to be true and gift horses mouths but the fact remains that due diligence is needed. One of my most used quotes was spoken by former US President Ronald Regan as he spoke about the Soviet Union “Trust, but verify”. Very wise words.  That guy your seeing who keeps looking at women when he thinks you’re not looking? He probably didn’t go to school with them like he says he did. They’ll be quick with kind words, excuses and justifications. Use cheap tricks like a “medium” to convince you that you share values and morals. There is nothing wrong with fact checking. It’s better and easier to get through the pain of a break up then it is with the years of an abusive relationship. In Canada, stats say that it takes the average woman seven (SEVEN) attempts to break up with an abusive partner successfully. If things aren’t adding up early, get out. Their actions should ALWAYS speak louder than their soothing words.

“I don't know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain. maybe it's something inside maybe it's something I can't explain cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you. I'm a liar”

This is the easy part. These people (I’ll include women in this, men don’t carry all the blame for disastrous relationships) are not right with God. Living healthy plants bare good fruit, dead ones don’t. It’s a pretty simple test. You HAVE to beware of wolves masquerading as sheep in the church, there are no shortage of them.

“if you'll give me one more chance, I swear that I will never lie to you again, because now I see the destructive power of a lie. they're stronger than truth. I can't believe I ever hurt you, I swear. I will never to you lie again, please, just give me one more chance. I will never lie to you again. I swear that I will never tell a lie. I will never tell a lie no, no. ha ha ha ha ha hah haa haa haa haaa sucker! sucker! oh, sucker I am a liar yeah, I am a liar yeah I like it I feel good ohh I am a lia.r I lie yeah, I like it. I feel good. I'll lie again and again I'll lie again and again and I'll keep lying I promise”

Here’s the part I still struggle with. Forgiving and forgetting. It’s very hard because you (well, at least I) can never be 100% sure of the sincerity of their repentance. As it stands right now, I’m a believer that twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern. As always, try to learn to be anxious about nothing and pray about everything.

Oh

And Trust but verify

Just a Sheepdog

Jesus was an only Son

Even if you don’t work for three months while on “Paternal Leave” that really doesn’t leave you much time for writing if you’ve got a wee one you’re looking after….

The above song doesn’t mean that Jesus was an only child. Mary and Joseph had other children after the birth of Christ. It refers to the fact that Jesus was alone on his walk up to his crucifixion.  He was abandoned by everyone but a very few of the faithful, about as useful as the lone voice crying out in the wilderness. He did nothing, but said nothing in his defense as he went to slaughter for us. So utterly alone for the first time ever, having even his Father God shun him for the sin He was about to take onto his shoulders for us.

This is another lesson for the wee baby Aeryn to learn one day.  There are going to be times were the right thing is going to be in front of you. To walk that narrow path is going to truly walk alone, the only others you encounter will give you nothing but scorn and mockery.  The question is not how far the road goes, but if you have the constitution, the depth of faith, to see it to where it goes.  Being white and a Christian (a true Christian, more on that later) is not popular. Read the book of Revelation, it is going to become even less popular (probably due to our own doing) and doing the right thing will make your stand out more and more.  Life is hard now, and it is not going to get easier. As the saying goes, the only easy day was yesterday. I pray for the wisdom to teach my daughter how to make the hard choices  and walk the hard narrow road.  To teach her discern the right from the wrong.  To not only to teach her the strength to defend herself physically but also the mental endurance to carry on through the hail storms of life.

Father God, please do not let my child walk alone. Please do not turn away from her as you did from your son while he was on the cross. I need your help not to fail, that her sin is so great you cannot look upon her. Give me the wisdom and endurance to walk the hard road in raising her, not to let the world do that job for me. I know that I am a workload of my own, give me larger shoulders so that I can not only better myself in your ways but also to shoulder the burden of my wife and child, for I know I will be held to account for how I lead them as well. Help me protect the sheep you have given me, help me protect them from the wolves.

In the precious name of your son and our Sheppard, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Just a Sheepdog

Dying to self

It’s horribley unfair, but it is a requirement of the job. When my little girl comes of age (COUGH… 32 ….COUGH) and starts to ask about boys and relationships, I have some words of wisdom. Dying to self is required in love and relationships, and even more so when you are a parent.

If you want to be on your own schedule, master to none but yourself, then don’t get married, don’t have kids. It’s that simple. But when you realize that doing your thing in your time really doesn’t fill the void and you decide you want to see more in life, you have to do it the right way. Here comes the hard part, there is no one person out there who is perfect just for you and remember that you didn’t exactly lose a glass slipper either. Disney has been lying to you your whole life. At the same time remember though, the media has been lying to your husband his whole life too. There is no such thing as a soul mate. You wonder why “Hollywood” marriages don’t last? I’d bet it’s because each person in the relationship expects the other to bend to their will and tend to their whim. That’s not a marriage. If you want a butler, hire a butler; in the long run it’s probably going to be cheaper than a divorce.

There is no one person, But if you want a relationship that will last you until your last days (or theirs) you both have to be willing to go the extra mile for each other. Of course you have to have a solid foundation on faith, hope, love and some commonality, but you have to die to yourself for your partner. You’re not just one flesh in the bedroom, as a married couple, you are a new entity.  You may still be two individuals, but you are so much more than the sum of your parts now.

Mark 8:34-35 (NIV) Then He called the crowd to Him along with His disciples and said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Just as we have to die to our flesh and sin to follow God, we have to die to our selfishness to make a marriage work.

Marriage is the only time I will ever let the word “Compromise” be used in my house. I despise that word. That gets me branded as a great number of negative things, but I really don’t care. Committing to my wife signals to her that she is the only person on this Earth that I have to take into account when I make a decision. I have dragged my wife to many things that she has actually taken a liking to, but I know that she would indulge me even if she didn’t enjoy herself as much. I have to be willing to go out of my way to ensure I’m doing what I can to help her and ensure that she can indulge in her interests and to participate in them as well. This is amplified so much more when you throw a baby into your relationship.

If you’re a “feminist”, you probably are going be very familiar with the next passage, but I never hear you mention the one that follows right after it:

Ephesians 5:22-33 (NIV)

 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

When my daughter comes to me and asks about boys and marriage, this is her answer. Not to blindly submit, no, never to be domesticated slave. Nothing in verse’ 22-24 says to blindly obey. I see it as when a decision is reached (one that you should be involved in) then you back up your husband. Everything I want for her is to be a very strong woman, stronger than most boys that pass themselves off as “men” these days. No, I want her to find someone worth submitting to, just as I sought out a woman to be my wife who was/is worth dying for. What verses 25-33 mean to me is that I will be held to account for my family. I have the responsibility not only to provide for them physically (food, shelter, education…) but also spiritually. I firmly believe that not only will I give an account for my faith, but I will answer to the Lord as to the faith of my family, their well being on this earth. That is a huge responsibility. HUGE. And one that is far more demanding than being able to trust in the decisions of my partner.

Christ taught, equipped and fed the church, He ultimately died for all of us. That is what a husband needs to be doing. Dying to himself and his nature and to teach, equip feed and be ready to die for his family. That’s the type of man every woman should be looking for.

If you are in a relationship or are considering getting married, I HIGHLY recommend you take the time and check out this sermon by pastor Jon Courson

http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachingsplay.asp?teaching=S3002

So I have to die to any laziness, apathy or selfishness that I have, I have to be more for my wife and daughter. Yeah, I’m tired but so is my wife, and I didn’t push the kid out. 

I'm just a sheepdog. I don't have the answers, but I answer to the One who does.

… A failure to communicate.

Trying to get a concept across to someone who doesn’t speak the same language as you, well or not at all, is a frustrating situation. We’ve all been in the situations. Even if you are both native language speakers, when someone hears you, but doesn’t understand you, you’ll start pulling hair and grinding teeth quickly. Add to the frustration someone just yelling at you with all of their being, trying to communicate to you.

How much more so with a baby. Unlike Gunny Hartman, babies don’t make much noise; let alone talk or hurl abusive comments at you with the volume and creativity that comedians normally reserve for hecklers. So when something is wrong, frustration mounts quickly. Heaping a good serving of sleep deprivation, time of night and / or screaming into that recipe makes for an especially frustrating situation.

My wife is a trooper, she has proven herself time and again, but it’s taking a toll. When I came home and she wants nothing more to sleep and is holding our little girl, who is crying like a banshee, I could see it in her. So drop my stuff, take the kid and send her off to bed. Now I have a little mental checklist I use when dealing with crying children. Babies don’t want to shriek and keep you up; they’re pretty calm and just want to chill out. I’m holding Aeryn and she is red, nearly purple, with frustration. Out comes the list.

Diaper
Food
Comfort

Whatever the problem, it's related to one of these three things.

Aeryn has been sporting a nasty diaper rash, so anything that didn’t come in a Pampers box or a soothing salve would really annoy her. But she was clean. She didn’t seem interested in food. I played music. She wasn’t too hot or cold. Normally by now, whatever is bothering her is dealt with. So I’m holding this screaming child and she can’t tell me what’s wrong. Frustration is quick to set in, you want to by sympathetic to the child, but it's hard when they aren't perceived as helping. I took a moment and pushed the annoyance to the side and started thinking about the variables. It has to be the rash. So I don’t check the diaper, I strip her down. The diaper is a tiny bit wet, not leaving it to chance; I change her and double up on the Salve. She isn’t screaming. I re-dress her, she starts crying again. I try food and the soother, still a little face filled with rage. It has to be a comfort issue.

At this time the wife wants to feed her once more before we try to put her down for the night again. I hand Aeryn off and I say to myself: it has to be the clothes. And sure enough, as I was getting something to change her into, my wife noticed a red spot on Aeryn’s back where a clothing tag had started to rub her the wrong way. We changed the outfit and she was back to calm and cute.

Frustration is quick to set on you and hard to shake once it’s there. It’s easy to see, how given the right situation, parents snap at their kids or make fatal mistakes. But there is a reason for the situation. Stick through it and examine the variables.  And above else, get help if you need it. A ten minuet nap could make all the difference.